my first ever contact with Dostoyevsky’s ‘Crime and Punishment’ fell on a very complicated pattern of my life. I haven’t passed my re-training yet and the overly compound language blocked the roads and trails of correct perception. the novel was completely foreign mentality and language-wise. I suffered through the first reading, failing at exploring its profound ground hopelessly.
thus the weakly founded aversion for Dostoyevsky’s works was born and inwardly justified.
many years after that sad encounter I came across a movie which had one of the most considerable effects on me, as an easy depiction of my general position in society (or what seemed similar to the level that I pictured myself on) and my urgent mood.
the (practical result of this viewing) reflexes were to look up everything about the movie, including the script and numerous interviews available online. to my enormous amazement the script-writer was tangibly inspired by the above mentioned author. some of his particular works were mentioned, studiously found by me and swallowed in a matter of two nights considering quite an amount of material to be read.
my meaningful relationship (friendship) with Fyodor started off with ‘the double’ , which demanded a lot of me as a reader. it wasn’t a common, chewing-gum-ish read but rather a small life, a bitter tragedy that is so real it stings your skin if you choose to participate. inspiration flooded over me, I re-read passages and chapters of his short-stories and novels (although not willing to borrow his ideas, the atmosphere of his mind was like a replete bowl of inspiration, so quite a nourishment for my own fantasies).
‘Crime and Punishment’ was laughing at me, I felt that through its pages. the book had a devilish charm about it that I still am not quite capable to explain or grasp in its entirety.
the only reason why I’m writing this silly confession to a journal is to express the extent of my delirious affair with the novel. it’s absolutely otherworldly and yet painfully veracious. also, I'm completely bewildered at the possible sources of this man's geniality and awareness.
I’m not sure if one reading is going to be enough, so hopefully this is not my final review (full of fascinated gasps).
the summary so far: patience makes one wiser. time makes one understand the true purpose of patience.