Title: Yesterday to Tomorrow: Chapter Fifty-three, A Long Awaited Release
Rating: NC-17 [violence, swearing, nudity, sexual situations]

Summary: Alyssa confesses to Chris something about their past.

Previous Chapter Like a Red Rose

Current Chapter A Long Awaited Release

Next Chapter Cloud of Inebriation

Fingers trailing over her bubble-covered skin, Alyssa shivered, "Stop it, Chris."

He kissed her shoulder, "I can't help it."

"Yuh huh," she argued.

"Nuh uh," he replied just as childishly. "What would you do if you had a beautiful woman in a bubble bath with you with no interruptions?"

"Do you really want to know what I would do with a woman in the bathtub, Chris?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder to meet his eyes.

His eyes sparkled mischeviously, "Yes. Please tell me."

"Nope," she sat up abruptly, separating her body from his.

Pivoting Alyssa sat on his feet, eyes holding his. Her toes brushed his hips, considering roving for a moment. Rather than start something, she remained seated as she was.

"Torture," he declared, sitting up to reach for her.

However Alyssa's foot went to his stomach, keeping him from sitting up, "Just because we're in a tub together, doesn't mean we need to fuck."

He stared at her, blinking harshly. His lips moved to protest, to charm her, to whatever. But the way she said fuck reminded him of the night before. And he frowned. Seeing emotions flit over his face, Alyssa's foot moved from his chest. Uncertainty touched her own features.

"What is it, Chris?" she asked cautiously.

"Um...." he looked down at the bubbles between them. "Let's not ruin this special time. Especially since I'm not a part of the chosen circle, having seen the book."

Alyssa's toes touched his sides, "That alone means we should talk."

Sitting back up, she shifted forward on his legs until their stomachs touched. She kissed him softly, lovingly, while her fingers reached to let the water out of the tub. He relaxed some under her kiss, but Alyssa could still feel a deep uneasiness within him.

Ending the kiss, she stood, her fingers lacing with his to pull him up. She kissed him once more before releasing his hands and stepping out of the tub. Wrapping a towel around herself, she held his out to him then padded out of the bathroom.

Following her into the bedroom a few minutes later, Chris was slightly surprised she had already pulled a tee shirt and shorts, both stolen from him. Taking her hint, he dressed quickly, hearing her move to sit in the middle of the bed. That he found a little .... comforting. For as long as he could remember, they would lay in whomever's bed when discussing the more important topics of their lives. Usually one would use the other's stomach as a pillow, that innocent contat meaning more than either had ever admitted before. And now Alyssa was setting them up for the same thing.

Crawling onto the bed next to her, Chris considered whether he wanted her head in his lap or the other way around. With Alyssa already settled where she was, he chose the latter, resting his head in her lap. Her fingers instantly went to his hair, running lovingly through his damp locks, teasing the curls around her finger. Eyes closed, he exhaled slowly, relaxing under her touch.

Her lips touching his gently caused his eyes to flutter open, "Tell me what's bothering you, Chris. You went all.... distant when I said fuck."

He sighed, "It's probably nothing."

"Well out with it and we'll decide that," she replied.

"Last night, when you were drunk, you said some things."

"I'm sure I said lots of things. Many of which I don't remember," Alyssa stated. "Apparently I said something that I should remember."

"It was after I found you in the ally crying," he explained.

She smirked, "In the ally?"

"Yeah. You went to the bathroom and got locked out in the ally instead."

Thinking for a moment, her eyes widened, "I peed in the ally."

He laughed softly, "My sweet, drunk, Lyssa."

She shook her head, "So after that, what happened?"

The humour left his eyes, "You said some things. You asked if.... if I was going to hate you again."

"Go on."

"And I tried to explain to you that I've never hated you. And then you said that I had. Once in Seattle. After we had sex," he explained, his voice soft, unsure. "And something about me kicking you out of the apartment. I don't remember ever kicking you out of the apartment in Seattle, Lyss. And the two times we've been in Seattle since becoming us, there was no sex."

Her eyes left his and she bit her lip. That alone set all of his alarms off. But she looked back down at him a moment later. There was determination in her eyes and love. He wasn't afraid.

"Chris, there's something I should have told you a very long time ago," Alyssa said.

He moved to sit up, but once again Alyssa held him in position, "What? What is it?"

"Now if I tell you this, you have to promise me you're not going to hate yourself," she requested.

Chris frowned, "How can you ask me that?"

"I love you, Chris. Heart, body, and soul. Nothing will ever, ever change that," Alyssa stated, softly touching his forehead. "How old was I when we met?"

"Fifteen," he answered cautiously.

"I had been attending Catholic school all my life. I hadn't really been allowed boyfriends, except those from the church, those approved by my mother. And I wasn't ever allowed to be alone with them. I hadn't really kissed a boy until I was fourteen, hadn't gone any further with one until I was fifteen," she began. "But it was all stolen time, stolen at church."

"Until I met you."

Chris inhaled deeply, "What changed?"

"I was already starting to cut classes, lie to my mother. Convincing her I was at a study session or more training for work wasn't hard at all. Then you and I started to spend time together. I spent less and less time at home, at work, at school. I still went to church though. That she would never allow me to miss," Alyssa claimed. "But I digress."

He said nothing, not sure where the story was going, and if he wanted to know anymore.

"We both know what kind of life you were living then. Soundgarden was big. And you were fighting the punk credo that success was bad. The group was starting to cave in. You were wrapped up in the rock star life of drugs, booze, and sex," she stated. "And I was a part of that life too."

Breath filled his lungs quickly at her last words. It couldn't be leading where he thought.

"One night, it was a Thursday, because I was supposed to work, but you called me before I was leaving. You invited me to come and hang out with you and the guys. Of course I didn't say no. I blew off work and met up with you at your place. It was only five in the afternoon and you were already soused, but I was used to that. I joined right in and before the sun even set, people were doing body shots off me. That is until you got possessive and pushed them all away," Alyssa explained. "You scooped me off the table and whisked me away, hiding me in your bedroom. With the door locked."

Chris flinched, "Lyssa...."

"I wish I could say what you're thinking right now is wrong, but it's not. You were very drunk and probably on other stuff. I was pretty drunk and infatuated with you. There was no way I would say no to you. Not then, not now," she said. "That night we.... I gave my virginity to you."

The words hung in the air for a few minutes. Chris's hands clutched at the blanket they sat on. His eyes closed, obviously trying to come to grips with what she was confessing.

"How... how....old?"

"We'd known each other for a little over a year. I was sixteen," she answered.

"Shit," he uttered, eyes opening again. "Lyssa...."

Alyssa smiled wryly, "That's what you said to me the morning... er, afternoon, after."

"Afternoon?"

"Yeah. I lost my virginity as the sun rose," she stated. "Anyways. You freaked out, as much as you could still being drunk when you woke and found me naked laying next to you. I was slightly hungover and when you started to mumble and pace and swear, I woke up. I knew what had happened just from the soreness between my legs. I sat up in bed, you noticed me, slurred some obscenities. I was terrified. After hurrying to get dressed, I rushed out of your apartment. Others probably noticed me, but I think they thought we had been fucking for awhile already, since I slept over a lot anyways."

"God, Lyss...."

"I went to the church. Stood outside a confessional for about an hour. I never went in," Alyssa continued. "Instead I left the church crying. I wandered the city for some time before finally going back home. My mother was home so I snuck into my room, barred the door, and cried myself to sleep. I was so very certain that you would want nothing to do with me anymore, that you had finally gotten what you had wanted all along, that I was nothing more than a girl to corrupt."

He tried to sit up again. This time she allowed him. His hands found both of hers, squeezing them gently, seeing as much pain in her eyes as he was feeling in his heart in the moment.

"Three days. I lasted three days before I went crawling back to you. And you didn't remember a thing. I know. I dropped hints. Hell I even asked you outright once. But you just slurred something about something else," she stated.

His eyes dropped to her lap, "Lyssa, I'm so sorry. I thought... but I thought you lost your virginity to the priest's son."

"No. He lost his virginity to me. He was the second guy after you that I slept with," she clarified. "But that's not really important in this story. Because I'm not done."

Eyes snapping back to hers, he muttered, "There's more."

She nodded, "After we fucked, I missed my period."

His hands tightened on hers. Words failed to translate from his thoughts to his mouth.

"For a week I thought I was pregnant. I worried and stressed over it. You left town for some reason, something to do with the band," Alyssa stated. "And there wasn't anyone I could tell. Because I knew that would get you in trouble in so many ways. So I went to the clinic and signed in under a made up name."

"Alyssa, were you....?"

She shook her head, "No. No, we don't have a nine year old child hidden away that I've never told you about."

He smirked at her attempt to lighten the mood with that little joke, "But?"

"But nothing. I swallowed that night, pushed it to the back of my mind, promised myself I would never tell anyone, ever," she answered. "After awhile, I stopped even thinking about it. Until recently."

"Why recently?"

"When I realized I couldn't marry Jonathan," Alyssa answered, "bits and pieces of that memory started to slip out in dreams. I was glad you were so focused on Vicky and then Toni, not really able to notice any change in how I acted around you. It was very hard to just play the friend role, when I was remembering how lovely you were naked."

His crooked smile returned, "That time wasn't.... bad then?"

She chuckled at that, shrugging a little, "I've had worse. But we've had so much better. That would be from experience though."

He fell silent again, looking down at their joined hands. Even with the story held before him, Chris didn't remember the incident, at all. No, that wasn't entirely correct. Because Alyssa had long been in his dreams, his erotic dreams. And that surely fed some of those fantasies, the back of his mind teasing him with slivers of the truth.

"I can't believe I had sex with a sixteen year old," he muttered. "What kind of man d—"

Pulling one hand from his, she tilted his head up so that their eyes met, "I love you, Chris. I have never held what we did against you. Ever. It happened. I got over it and learned to love you even more. Do not beat yourself up about it, my love. You are my happiness. I have been yours always and will continue to be so. I love you."

"But—"

"No buts, Chris," she stated strongly. "It's in the past. Leave it there. No one will ever known but the two of us."

"How can you—"

Her mouth closed his, kissing him deeply. As her words were not reassuring him, she hoped her actions would. Ever so slowly he began to relax, his hands finally moving to embrace her.

"I love you. And I'm marrying you, Chris. If you'll still have me."

"I want no one else," he claimed, then kissed her with as much passion and promise as she just had him. "Forever."